Let's be honest here - there is no such thing as a perfect break up.
If you've been through a perfect break up,you're in denial. And I'll hit you. I swear.
My swearings aside, breakups are something basically everyone will go through in life, so I feel like writing about it is bound to at least be relatable to one person who reads this.
Surprise surprise, I was broken up with. I have been broken up with.
Five times in my life, to be exact, but that's neither here nor there. (More like all over the place.)
Surprise surprise, I was broken up with. I have been broken up with.
Five times in my life, to be exact, but that's neither here nor there. (More like all over the place.)
I was broken up with around three months ago - and I will not sugarcoat it - it hurt. Like a mofo, ladies and gentlemen. It HURT.
What hurts most though, funnily enough, are not always the actions of the breaker-upper (yeah,screw it, that's what I'm calling it) but your own actions. (Not in the whole 'stop hitting yourself' way. Though that would make breakups a little more humorous at least) Like giving up - Like feeling worthless. Like Ben & Jerry's worthy stuff here, people.
The reason that stuff is worse than the breakup itself, is because it is self-demeaning, counter-productive, kinda pathetic, and I thoroughly believe now that NO man (or woman,equality!) is worth the pain you give yourself after breakups.
So,here I present a poorly written, poorly structured list of things to do after a breakup.
1. Take Care Of Yourself.
For some of us, (myself included) the cure for a breakup, is to breakdown. You binge-watch scrubs and rom-coms on Netflix for days (I'm a personal believer in the magical healing powers of When Harry Met Sally) You live in his boxers and a blanket. You eat twice your body weight in ice cream. And you know what? That's good. For a week at best, before the stench of cheap cheetos fills the place, and that blanket smells, your house smells, and you smell. Yup. You smell, girl. Wallowing is not a good past time. So; run a bath, shave your legs, go for runs, and lay off the ice cream. You will thank yourself. And me.
2. Change the playlist.
Listening to Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now by The Smiths, (or in my case, 'Love Will Tear Us Apart' by Joy Division) may feel right because the lyrics are what you're going though, but believe me when I say, having that playlist of sad songs on your iPod does you no good. Take the plunge and delete that depressing playlist, and replace it with a new, feel-good one.
Hint: whatever song puts a smile on your face upon hearing the first three notes, THAT'S what you should add.
For me, that happens to be Spoon's 'The Underdog.' Hell yeah.
For me, that happens to be Spoon's 'The Underdog.' Hell yeah.
3. Exercise.
This one was hard for me, and admittedly, it did take me a whole three months to start exercising again. Start with a bit of yoga if you no longer want to leave the house. Work your way up to going for short runs. I promise, it's worth it. When you exercise, your body releases chemicals called endorphins. These endorphins interact with the receptors in your brain that reduce your perception of pain. Endorphins also trigger a positive feeling in the body, that can help you return to a positive outlook on life and improve your self-esteem. Science, bitch! Can't argue with science.
4. Have A Girly Day
This is where your girls (and girly guys) come in. Let them take over. TELL them to take over. Get some new clothes, or new makeup, Put them on. Go out. Stay in. Listen to music at a ridiculously high volume. ENJOY YOURSELVES! (I dare you to feel upset when you're playing Fluffy Bunny at 1AM in a pretty dress. I DARE you.)
5. Get Some Net Space
I'm not an advocate of deleting your ex on social networks, because you should be open to the possibility of being friends. But I do think you need to put the phone/laptop/tablet away for a good while - we all know that itching feeling, that compulsion to check his page,or maybe send him a short text.
PUT DOWN THAT PHONE! I'm warning you >.<
Side note - some people like to immediately get rid of all their ex's stuff. I think any memory triggers, things that are lying about,should be put away, and not looked at. It's nice to look back at you relationship memorabilia, but in a few months or years, with a clear, objective headspace, and you can decide what to do with it then.
6. Write!
It will help to write it all down. Whether that be poetry,like me, or a diary - or even writing a letter to a friend explaining how you feel.
7. Make a Pros & Cons List
Maybe this seems counter-intuitive, because everything about the situation appears to be a Con, but hear me out.
You will write more Pros than you think, whether it be that you have more space, you can wear that pair of shoes he hated, you spend less money, you have more time with friends, you can flirt with people, join Tinder - your possibilities are endless. I swear.
Do you actually want to get back together with someone who could break up with you, or do you just wish the breakup had never happened? Do you really want to be with someone who could just fall out of love with you? If it came to it, should you actually take them back? Once you realise that it's time travel you want, not a reconciliation, you can start to feel better and focus on yourself.
8. Ask yourself the the tough questions.
Do you actually want to get back together with someone who could break up with you, or do you just wish the breakup had never happened? Do you really want to be with someone who could just fall out of love with you? If it came to it, should you actually take them back? Once you realise that it's time travel you want, not a reconciliation, you can start to feel better and focus on yourself.
I hope some of this stuff is a little helpful to you! I'm trying to follow it all myself, and I recognise it can be difficult.
Persevere!
It gets better, I swearz.
Till next time,
Crumble X
Follow me on Instagram - instagram.com/crumble_newman!
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